The menace to mankind caused by the export of hot-panted lounge-bar Philipino bands singing US pop-pap from the 70's all over Asia is exceeded only by the ubiquitous existance of "My Way" on karaoke playlists. In fact, the Cambodian government did all with a modicum of refinement and class a good turn by ordering that local Phnom Penh karaoke bars play local songs at least two thirds of the time way back in August 2000.

According to a Reuters report today, Philipinne karaoke parlours have been removing "My Way" from play lists. -

"...The song seems to drive many drunken men to commit anything from slight physical injuries to homicide...", it claims. Indeed anyone who has sat through a night at the Karoake can probably relate to that...

I remember well hosting a young English business colleague in a Karaoke club once. After three renditions of "My Way" by diverse talents, he loudly proclaimed that if he heard "My Way" once more he would throw up. By the end of the night, obligingly, he had... and he did...

Malaysian PM Mahathir was quick to capitalize on the popularity of the Sinatra classic by paradoxically adopting it as his theme song at the height of his crusade against what he saw as foreign interference in Malaysia. At the New Year's party held at the foot of the world's tallest building in downtown KL three years ago, Mahathir exhorted Malaysians to his Malaysian way accompanied by exploding fireworks, spiraling parachutists, and strains of "My Way" on the honkers. Fortunately or not for many, this did not play out to be in any way his "final curtain".

Not to be left out of the jingositic fervour, Malaysia Airlines quickly adopted My Way as their theme song too, playing it as the muzak on take-offs and landings and using it in their advertising. ...But not for a long time. The prospect of the crowd in cattle class approaching touchdown, silently humming in unison "And now, the end is near" did little to instill confidence...

When first landing on Asian soil more years back than I care to remember, I quickly learned that learning the Karaoke game was a key tool for doing business in this part of the world, though it was quickly being replaced by the golf club. In fact one of our earliest columnists - Blanchard - provided an informal "how to" from a Kuala Lumpur joint on playing the Karoake game. Not content with just that he also went on to list his favourite songs. Our China columnist Piset also offered advice to foreign business visitors to China a couple of years back... - "...Learn to sing at least one popular Chinese song at the karaoke. Chinese love to sing at karaokes. In China, no restaurant, especially the private reception room, is complete without a karaoke set up. Most of your Chinese friends can sing very well. You may discover that those serious faces in the bureaucratic offices turn into smiling happy faces when they show off their singing talents..."

The modus operandi of Karaoke clubs vary widely, especially on a locality basis. But generally it goes like this... You enter a lounge, but most hosts will prefer a separate room for the prestige and privacy. Enter the hostesses (or GRO's) in evening gowns, one to each customer, who will help you pick your songs, even do a duet with you, pour your drinks, and enthusiastically consume those you buy for them. They write the numbers of the songs on slips of papers and pass it on to hovering waiters in black tie, though in the more modern joints they just enter the numbers into a keypad attached to the magic Karaoke machine. Needless to say, as was Asian business back in those times, this is almost strictly male-only territory. Overpriced un-ordered plates of fruit appear magically.

Even in the less formal territory of the Karaoke club, protocol is important. The boss gets to sing first, and gets his choice of girl, though again he often will embarass the hell out of you by offering you the first choice. Then he will offer his guest to sing next, and then down the ranks of his associates. You must not refuse or plead that you can't sing. That is a given. Every karaoke lounge customer can't sing. That's not the point.

Bottles of imported brand whisky and brandy are di rigeur. Beer is a "working man's drink" - though an imported brand with the silver wrapping on the top, may "just" save your face if you are an exclusive beer man. You must clap each singer. As Blanchard notes slyly, even the girls will give you the clap. If a song is sung in your language by the boss or senior manager, it is a special compliment. A karaoke lounge is not a cheap place. Tipping is expected. Margins on drinks are around 250 to 500%, and the hostesses are paid by the hour and margins on their drinks. As in the Asian way, the host will pay discreetly at the end.

That is the traditional Asian-based Karaoke. However in the past decade or so, many cheaper Karaokes have sprung up, more suited for groups of friends rather than business entertaining, and often, in the more discreet cultures which officially deny that such shenanigans exist in their countries, convenient fronts for the ol' illicit in-and-out, providing both illegal immigrants and lowly paid coppers with an additional source of income. With the launch of mostly Sony and Japanese inspired Karaoke functionality to home stereo systems, Karaoke insidiously crept into the homes of the middle class (minus the fun bits) - providing yet another hazard to accepting that much feared invitation to dine at a client's home.

Well it's all coming to a head. In an inspired piece of copywriting Thailand's The Nation headed a Reuters report on the murder of a man who dared to "sarcastically applaud" a customer's rendition in a Manila karaoke parlour as "Man murders song, and then critic".

Which should be a lesson to all. Choose a song with some selectivity, and make sure you know what the words mean.

They may well come true.