An Expatriate's Diary A monthly column from a Malaysian expatriate in San Francisco

Five fifteen in the morning…….it is really cold outside, maybe about 45 degree F…….I waved at my neighbor, Bruce, as he drove off to his office…….on a Sunday no doubt…….the sun is about to grace himself over this side of the globe, tree tops are glittering and dancing with the bright light of day break……..

Good Morning my dear diary:

I love Sunday morning. Everything is so extraordinarily quiet and serene. The birds are the only creature busy at doing something (other than me and Bruce, of course). My early Sunday morning ritual is a cup of hot coffee, lean against the balcony handrail outside my bedroom and enjoy the quietness and the beginning of a day. Sometimes I like to pretend that I am the only soul awake in the universe. Bruce beat me to it though. Wonder why he has to work today? And so early too. Ever wonder why we have to work? (If you have yet to figure out after all these months of communication, that this expatriate is loud mouth and nosy…… well….you need help my friend.)

When it comes to the “explanation” of having to work, there are billion and one reasons and as usual, they come from billion and one individuals because we all see life differently. One of my colleagues once asked me if we didn’t work, how would we fill up the rest of the 24 hours after eating, sleeping and sitting on the toilet? On a good day (like the day he presented this question) my answer is “you are so right”, but some other times when I am just not in the working mood I would have blasted him with “How about taking the boat out and do some deep sea fishing?” Or “Gather all my credit cards in a neat pile and go to the nearest shopping mall and shop till I drop?” (The next day, though, I will go to the cashier with a red and sad face trying to return the items and explaining how this uncontrollable shopping impulse syndrome is killing me and my family.) Well, you get the picture! I am sure you have said the above once or twice before.

The thing is, I believe, your attitude intertwines with what you do more so than most would admit. I am the first to admit that I am still not one hundred percent satisfied with what I am doing. Therefore, I explore and I make changes. Now, it's maybe that I am the type of person who will never be happy at doing the same thing over and over again, but that is fine. To me that is what life and work are all about. For the life of me I couldn’t understand why some people would spent their entire life living in the community where they were born and raised. The world is huge and yet these people have never and will never step out of their tiny mole holes. But that is OK too because that was the choice they made and they were comfortable with that decision. (pardon me, my mug is empty. Time for refill, will be back…….)

Ah……nothing like a good solid mug of hot caffeine! Where were we? Work…Hmmm, yes….why do we choose the career we are in now. Anyone? I have to say that financial motivation plays a major part of our reasoning. I remember back in high school my parents strongly encouraged me to “be good” at the math and sciences because they made good career choices. My future has always been filled with images of medical doctor, lawyer, engineer, successful businessman (They never envisioned me as a “maybe” or “semi-successful” businessman) and the usual. There was never a time when I was encouraged to think about being the best social worker in town, the most honest garbage pick up person of the world or the happiest shoe-shine boy in the universe. I guess words and sentiments such as “best”, “honest” and “happiest” don’t count that much when your stomach is on strike and your wife is calling you a good for nothing!

Now, honestly, tell me how many of you out there just can’t wait to get out of bed at the crack of dawn and go to work because you just absolutely and fabulously in love with what you are doing? OK… for the one percent of those of you with your hands up, kudos! Good for you. You really found your life’s calling and keep up the good job. The other 99 percent….PE..LEASE!!!!! Look into the mirror and laugh at yourself silly for lying!!! Now, I am no guru (BTW the word “guru” in America stands for “an expert” and in Malay, it means “teacher”. Isn’t that neat?) in life and the pursuant of happiness but having been around for quite sometime now, (as my grandma would say - “Young man, I have tasted more salt than you have rice”; You can’t argue with a Calcium Depository, period.) I do know that your heart will tell you what you are good for if you would just stop being so busy not listening to it.

What I like to do, every now and then, is to sit back and compile a “Priority List”. The priorities in your life change as you breath and live. These changes should prompt you to re-visit your present situation, lifestyle, and responsibility so you can re-arrange “things”. Some changes are not easy (for example the choices of spending more time with your family or working longer hours to bring in more income) BUT it does provide you with the fact and knowledge in order to make decision. Most, when making a priority list, will do just that. They take out a piece of paper and start with THE MOST IMPORTANT THING and then down to the I CAN CARE LESS items. My priority lists (Yes, I have more than one) are First, what makes me HAPPY; Second, what SUSTAIN my life form and Third (for now), what I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT. Don’t get smart with me now, there is a reason behind this complicated formulae. To know what sustain my life form allows me to gauge my financial circumstances and maybe give me a hint at what and when I can sacrifice in order to pursue what makes me happy. You see, I bet a lot of you out there know what makes you happy but you can’t act on it because what makes you laugh couldn’t pay your bills. Right? Well, maybe you should look at what you need to do to cut down those expenses so that you can have a crack at doing what you love best. However, whatever you do or won’t do, better merge with what you absolutely cannot live without because that is central to the game. What you absolutely cannot live without may be your kids, a loved one, a roof over your head or simply money. To recognize that is critical because planning without the knowledge of that can come back and haunt you big time! Just like realizing the fact that you absolutely cannot live without money is essential for you to plan your career towards making tons of money. Anything less than that will not make you happy. The other side of the coin is you better be willing to be content with being a slave to money. There is nothing wrong with that, not according to me anyway.

Now you may ask what do all these have to do with being an expatriate? Well, quite frankly, it has to do with everything because it is part of my life experience. It’s just that I came to all these realizations while being in a foreign land instead of in the comfort of my homeland. The unique thing here is that I get to witness my growth and tribulation via people from a whole new perspective of life, history, culture and language.

Talk about culture, by the way, Daylight Savings Time ends today, 26th of October. What does this mean? Well, Daylight Savings Time was created so that Americans enjoy an extra hour of daylight during the Summer months. When Fall rolls around we have to reset the clock back an hour. Here in America -- the free market to its truest sense, even time is fair game. Nothing dramatic except it is total darkness outside when most of us leave the office. The reason is eventhough we leave for home at 6:00 PM but in reality it is already 7:00 PM. What it does to the financial world though might be chaos if you forget to reset your clock. For example, just yesterday the time difference between Kuala Lumpur and San Francisco was 15 hours; 8:00 PM Thursday evening here corresponded with 11:00 AM Friday morning in Malaysia. But with the change of time this morning, we are now 16 hours apart. So now, 7:00 PM Thursday evening here corresponds with 11:00 AM Friday morning in Kuala Lumpur. It is kind of intriguing, isn’t it?

Another concept about America that has some foreigners scratching their heads is that the continental United States is so big it crosses four time zones. Starting from West towards the East- California is under the Pacific Standard Time Zone and to demonstrate my point, let’s say it is 7:00 AM Sunday now; Moving onto the Mountain States such as Montana and Colorado which are an hour ahead of California, it is 8:00 AM in city such as Denver, Colorado (which according to the news this morning is three feet under the snow) according to Mountain Standard Time Zone; Next, we have the Central states like Texas. These central states are two hours ahead of California (Central Time Zone) and therefore the clocks in Dallas are showing 9:00 AM on a Sunday morning; And then you have the Northeastern states such as New York and Massachusetts which observe the Eastern Standard Time Zone. These states are three hours ahead of California and therefore it is 10:00 AM in cities like New York, Boston and Philadelphia. It takes five hours to fly from San Francisco to New York. If you add on the three hours in time difference, it takes a total of eight hours to go from one end of the United States to the other by air. Driving is a whole new ball game! By the way, I wonder if Bruce remembered to change his clock and set an hour back before he went to sleep last night? Wonder if he knew it’s only Five Fifteen and not Six Fifteen in the morning? If not…..Hahahahahaha…..I am really wicked, aren’t I?

I have to pause for a moment here….the Carpenters are on and it’s one of my all time favorites - “There’s Kind Of Hush”…….Oh, who asked you? Twenty something are not allowed on my column anyway…..hehehehe…..I didn’t really mean that…..all are welcome!

Well, we are fast approaching the end of October and here in the States, it means two fascinating festivals are near - Halloween and Thanksgiving. Halloween is always on the last day of October and this year it falls on a Friday. The story behind Halloween is very much alike with the Chinese version of the Ghost month of July. It is believed that on Halloween night, all spirits, good and bad, will roam and rule the earth so you better watch where you step on! Over the years though the festival has become commercialized just like the others. Costumes and pumpkin are big businesses on Halloween night. Children and adults dress up in all sort of costumes you can imagine and pumpkins are gutted and decorated with candles to enhance the ghostly feeling and illuminate further the fright sensation. Kids will show up at door steps in group chanting “Trick or Treat”. You can pretty much take that threat literally because if they do not get their treats (sweets and candies) than you better watch out for their pranks. Some of the usual retaliations are “decorating your house with toilet papers” and giving your car a new and horrific looking paint job while you are not watching, free of charge though.

Thanksgiving, on the other hand, is full of love, reunion and a sense of home coming. The festival celebrates and remembers the early days of American pilgrimage to the new world , and how the native Indians offered their help to this group of new settlers. It is a family-oriented occasion and celebrated as such. Thanksgiving is a day of giving thanks and remembering what is important in life - your family, friends and loved ones. The day starts with the gathering of family members and friends, usually in the parents’ home. From there on is non-stop eating, drinking, socializing and fun. (Some, if not most, do go to church for Thanksgiving services). The table is filled with traditional Thanksgiving feast - Turkey and stuffing, dressing, mashed potatoes and don’t forget Pumpkin pie, a left over from Halloween. The central theme or dish of Thanksgiving - Turkey, recalls the hard times the immigrants endured and that Turkey was given to them by the natives as a token of friendship and welcome. The tradition is rich and touching, but the delicious cooking carries the day.

You know what? I think I am going to write down the recipe for Pumpkin pie so that I will have it for time sake. Just as time in America is divided by region, so are the food and cooking. Each region showcase a special style of cuisine that reflects the region’s colorful history and cultural background. Do you know that in order to tour the United States in her entirety, one will need a full year (or 50 weeks out of the 52) if one spends a minimum of one week per state?

Next stop - CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

Till then, sweet dreams my dear dairy………………November, in San Francisco

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