An Expatriate's Diary A monthly column from a Malaysian expatriate in San Francisco

One o’clock in the morning……..I never noticed that California’s midnight sky is a soft and smooth metallic blue…….

Dear Diary:

I sat on the window sill of my hotel room and gazed into the sunset. (I am traveling on business and in anticipating your next question….. No, I do not have the habit of checking into hotel room just to watch sunset!) For hours, figuratively, I was mesmerized by the spectacular display of nature’s wonder. I am sure picture perfect views such as this are on like clockwork every day. We are just too busy to even notice that it is there, free for all of us to admire and enjoy. We rather pay twenty dollars and go to a cinema to “enjoy” it. (I am not exaggerating about the cost of going to a movie in America!) For starter, the admission ticket is $7.50 per adult. One cannot enjoy the movie without popcorn and soda, so let’s get with the program here. Now, a large popcorn with real butter (fat free, one percent fat, and so on and so forth just won’t do) plus diet Coke to balance the “guilt” created by the butter….hmmm….that is your twenty dollars right there! In Malaysian currency that comes to about fifty Ringgit! That is if you are alone! Some of us need to take out a bank loan on a date!

I was reading Blanchard’s column the other day ( I feel like I know this guy...real well) and really enjoyed his witty writing style. I pray that one of these days he will get a nice break. You know there is a limit to what a “kwailo” can take no matter how good natured he is. I have my share of ups and downs with the “Western folks” these past fifteen years, but because of my optimistic personality, (the good Buddha gave me that after one look at my face during birth) I seem to only remember the good ones. I remembered my college professor who gave me a summer job so that I can earn enough cash to pay for Fall semester’s tuition fee. There were just as many needy American kids around but he chose to help a foreign student. Maybe that is why I still send him greeting cards and Cuban cigars on his birthday - his favorite. I also remembered my first employer who helped me to obtain my US permanent status (The Green Card). I have the skills he needed to get his work done at the time and in return he sponsored for my stay in the United States. That was a fair trade but looking back and remembering how he poured over stacks of government papers, pulling his hairs out (and he did not really have that much to begin with) trying to complete them accurately, I felt extremely grateful. From the bottom of my heart. Now, does that mean life in the United States as an expatriate is all peaches and cream? Absolutely not! Well, just the other day I almost got into a “historical” verbal fight with a colleague of mine.

John Washington brought his coffee over to my office during the break and asked if he may come in and “chat”.
“Sure!” I replied. “So, what’s up?” I asked.

Turned out that he just wanted to get to know me since we are working on a project together for the first time. The following was how the conversation went:

“So, where are you from?”
“Oh…well…I was in New York for about three years and before that I was in Washington DC…”
“I knew all that…I meant WHERE are you from originally…”
“Oh…sorry about that, John….I was born and raised in Malaysia….”
“No…No…No…we are having communication problem here…..(he was quite annoyed)….I meant where were your grandparents from…”
“My grandparents??….Well, they immigrated to Malaysia from the southern part of China years ago, but what does that has anything……(interrupted by my good friend, John)
“Ah….I knew it....so you are from China….see, now we are talking….”
“Eh…John…I am NOT from China….I was born in Malaysia but now…..”
“Ya…ya….ya…I know….”
At this point I decided to just play a “China person”
“So, John, tell me….where are you from?”
“A small town in Ohio…no big deal…”
“So is that small town in Ohio names “No Big Deal” here in America?”
“Oh…you are so funny….Ohio is one of the fifty states of America….can’t you tell I am an American?”
“Sure John, you look like an American and since I look like Chinese so I must be from China, right?”
“Eh….That is not how I envision our “chat” will go…..”
“Well, John, in that case, would you like to carry on this conversation in Mandarin? Maybe I can understand you better…”

I guess there is no need to detail how the rest of the “conversation” went but John and I were serious enough about “clearing the air” that we went out to dinner that night. Before the end of the evening, we were cutting up and exchanging home phone numbers. John and I are the best of friends now and he dare not go to any Beatles’ events without asking me along, and I am still trying to convince him that Elton John is a better artist than John Lennon.

People can be ignorant sometimes but their hearts are usually in the right place. In this case, John could have exercised some sensitivity when inquiring about my cultural background but he did not mean any harm. As a matter of fact, he should be given the credit for initiating the communication. As for myself, well, I could have been more graceful and not as feisty. Culture shapes the management and character of an organization. From the Asian’s “Grin and Bear It” mentality to American’s “Competitive and Individualism”, culture plays a major role in the relationship of our lives both in and out of the organizational environment. As globalization of business continues, this human factor will become a formidable force. The key here is to educate and learn, to understand and appreciate, to accept and adapt, and last but not the least, to respect and not judge.

We share the same fear and hesitation when we venture out of our comfort zones. Western managers contemplating an “Asian” assignment wonder if accommodation “over there” has attached “out house” when, in reality, Malaysia’s capital city - Kuala Lumpur, is home to the world’s tallest twin towers. The reverse is true. Asian expatriate and student heard all about the Westerner “superiority” complex through news media and Hollywood. However, given the time to adapt to the new environment and an open mind, they will soon discover that, in general, Westerners are sincere, warm, honest, curious, loving and helpful - just like most Asians are. Culture represents a society’s knowledge, laws, value, belief and practice. Given the fact that expatriates usually don’t stay in any one place long term, my suggestion would be to take full advantage of this wonderful learning opportunity. We should recognize our differences and embrace the varieties; Celebrate each other’s uniqueness instead of dwelling on the unfamiliarity; Focus on what works and enjoy the fruit of our effort, and always try our best while realizing our own limitation. I guess the bottom line is to ask yourself this question - “What is the worst thing that can happen?” In my case that would mean to pack up and go home. “No big deal”, to quote my friend John. And on that note, I think my bed and pillow are waiting for me……until the next time……sweet dreams my dear diary………

June, 1997………..in San Francisco

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