An Expatriate's Diary A monthly column from a Malaysian expatriate in San Francisco

Twelve before midnight, there is a sweet scent in the air, and I am thinking about .........a special friend.....

Dear Diary:

It was one of those days. It started off just like any other day. The sun is shining brightly and you can smell spring in the air. With a cup of Java in my hand, I feel like I can just about do anything. And then it happened.....I started thinking about home....dad, mom, sis and her two little ones....and all of a sudden the sun is not that cheery after all. Even the Java I have learned to enjoy is not as good as the tea I grew up with, eventhough I can’t quite remember what it tastes like anymore.....

The day went on as usual. Budget meeting came and went uneventfully. The whole time I was thinking “Why am I sitting here, listening and responding to a foreign language? Why can’t they speak my language for once?” Twelve noon used to be my favorite hour of the day - lunch time. It was different today though. I stared at my chicken sandwich wishing that it was prawn mee instead, my favorite noodle dish back home. Operations meeting was meaningless. I was day dreaming and even randomly picking small fights. What a jerk. By this time Pat figured something was wrong. I can always count on Pat to see that, almost instinctively. Pat left a note on my desk and asked me out for dinner. Thank goodness! I really don’t feel like eating dinner by my lonesome self.

Dinner was wonderful. We talked about the 80s, “Saturday Night Fever” and John Travolta’s shoes. We sang “How deep is your love” by Bee Gees and talked about our experiences in New York. We stopped short of doing the disco dance but we were on the floor nonetheless, laughing like two high school kids completely out of control. I can always count on Pat to cheer me up. I have almost come to depend on Pat a bit too much for comfort. We are so different in so many ways; language, culture, life experience and even academic training. I was born into a middle class family and Pat was born into the so-called “old money”, enough for the next few generations. Yet, we connected. I remember the fights we used to have at work when I first joined the company. I also remember going back to my apartment after a fight like that and started packing. Who needs this kind of abuse? They obviously don’t see foreigners as equal, and who said international experience will amount to anything anyway? And here I am, sitting across from Pat tonight, pouring my heart out.

I wonder what happens to those expatriates who have nobody to turn to? They don’t have a friend like Pat who will listen all night long with eyes that tell you all is understood. What happens to those who have to go home to their spouses and children after a day at work like mine today? Will their spouses understand and listen patiently, like Pat? And for those single expatriates, what then? Single’s bar? I think not. Been there, done that. If you are not careful you may end up with more than a horrible hangover the next day! Are we so engross in what we do daily that we somehow ignore the simplest and yet inner most feeling such as lonesome for home and feeling lost and desperate in a foreign land? What does it mean to a company’s bottom line if their employees are feeling lonely, depress and helpless? Issues after issues of management review and conference board survey tell the tales of failed foreign assignments. Managers are no longer eager to take on international position. Not even for a promotion. We are human after all, not computer chips. That means our psychological well being comes before management performance, profit margin, marketing savvy , etc. What a noble concept - take care of the mind and soul first. Some, but unfortunately not enough global corporations have caught on to this phenomenon. These companies are providing more pre-departure training and orientation, professional coaching, in-house support for those with family and routine follow up after the expatriate arrives at his or her final destination. No longer the “let them sink or swim” mentality. But to be quite honest, support system from within the host country is just as important, if not more so, because expatriates spend a good majority of their time adapting and working through a system they are unfamiliar with. It is always nice to have someone from the “inside” giving you a helping hand, a hint, and/or even a friendly warning before you make that incredibly stupid mistake.

I am lucky. I have Pat. I feel so much better now, even my apartment looks and feels like home again. A thank you and good night kiss landed on the mouth instead of the cheek........hmmmm.....could it? Would it? Should it? Nah......we are still very different in many ways. The phone rang...PLEASE let it be Pat.....sweet dreams my dear diary.........

May 1, 1997.....in San Francisco

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