An Expatriate's Diary A monthly column from a Malaysian expatriate in San Francisco

Five past midnight, about 21 degree Celsius, and I am dreaming about nasi lemak........

Dear Diary:

I was having a conversation with my brother the other day (he is here as an international student and I hated him for being 20 years old) when I asked how is he adapting to his new environment. His answer was swift and simple - "Everything is wonderful" he said, as he continued his attack on the last piece of pizza with all the gooey, cheesy stuff on it.

I was quite devastated (if I might say so myself) and I pressed on: "What do you mean everything is wonderful? Don't you have any crisis? Looming disaster? Life-threatening situation or mentally-disturbing experience to tell me SO I CAN HELP YOU?"

"Nope!" he responded with his face still glued to the TV screen (Alanis Morissette was on MTV). "By the way....."

(Aaha! I knew it! He needs my help. He is pratically a stranger in this country! He must have something important to ask me!)

"I bought a pair of Guess jeans in the mall today" Back to Alanis he went.

"Uhh...So how much did you pay for it?" I know if I keep the communication going he will breakdown and talk about "important" stuff.

"Oh..I don't remember...you will find out when your Citibank Visa Card bill arrives"

I fainted at this point of the conversation.

The reality is he has the "support" I didn't when I arrived in the United States 15 years ago. No one at the time was around to show me where to do my laundry, shopping for "Choi-Sum", banking and even the simplest thing like where to go and buy my own wok and rice cooker. On the other hand, within the first week upon his arrival, my brother took his driving license test, registered for his US Social Security Card (something like a Malaysian IC), toured his university campus, met several of his faculty members, checked out where all the cinemas and shopping malls are...you got the picture. Therefore, even though we both went through the same "adaptation process" upon arriving in a foreign land, but the experiences were completed different. His was definitely more pleasant and memorable, I am sure.

When we are at home, there are specific ways we deal with people, work environment and social situation which we took for granted. We depend heavily on our experience and wisdom accumulated from a lifetime of learning both the written and unspoken rules and regulations which society and home dictate to us. However, take us out of that comfort zone and put us in another one and we will be like fish out of water, Chinese without rice, American without apple pie, McDonald's restaurant without the golden arch and so and so forth.

I can't emphasize enough how important a support system is to someone visiting or staying in a foreign country. Besides helping and couching with the daily routine (which doesn't seem that routine at all to a foreigner) and special situation (legal paper, healthcare, living arrangement, etc.), a support system can be a friend for you to talk to, to express your fear, to vent your anger, disappointment and frustration. But most important of all, it is very comforting to know that you have someone you can trust and rely on in a unfamiliar environment.

I am sure there are more new life discoveries waiting for me just around the corner and as an Asian in a Western culture and environment, the expereince will be that much more unique and surprising. However, to re-adapt back home to the Malaysian scene will be a whole new can of worms which I shall detail in a much later stage. Till then, sweet dreams my dear diary...................................

April, in San Francisco

© Orient Pacific Century 1997